I wish to share something I believe may be of value to at least one person out there. Depression is something that isn’t spoken about enough and is a topic society has not made it easy for those going through it to speak up. Those that are experiencing depression feel at times, it is easier to keep it in than to express it. What can we do when someone feels like their presence is suffocating them?
What I am about to share are a few learnings I came across as someone able to be of support to persons who had and am going through depression. I am by no means an expert and am only writing from my own experiences. Below are five learnings I learned on how to be a supportive friend to someone going through depression.
1: Talk. We all need someone to talk with at times.
We sometimes find it hard to express ourselves without judgment and concern for being seen as someone we aren’t. This conflict is a constant war people going through depression take on daily, making it difficult at times for them to let go of and speak their minds. For some, this is due to false insecurities that have crept their way into their beliefs system, causing them to doubt themselves and everyone else. So, how do we become someone whom they can turn to for support, and to relieve pent-up stress and tension? The next learning explains how.
2: Patience. We must display a calm state.
It is very important to be patient and not overdo it on trying to get someone who is going through depression to speak up. We must reinforce the fact that it is okay, to not be okay, and to provide a sense of security to share what’s comfortable sharing at the present moment. It will not be easy to maintain patience for there will be times their insecurities will continue to arise and test the quality of our patience to how we will guide them through their adversaries. We must show compassion and hand our trust over gently by being authentic about ourselves and most crucially, about them.
“We must reinforce the fact that it is okay, to not be okay, and to provide a sense of security to share what’s comfortable sharing at the present moment.”
3: Listen to understand, not to reply.
Having patience is vital, and the reason for this is to be able to communicate clearly and calmly. To speak effectively, we must have a clear understanding of what was said so that the other person does not feel like they are talking to themself. If we have patience, then we will be able to listen intently and with purpose.
4: Share. Share stories and thoughts.
It’s great to be there for someone who needs it, to listen to their worries, stress, and what makes them smile. Sometimes they will feel the urge to escape their mind and be wanting to do nothing but listen; this is the part where we can engage them with our stories and thoughts, to remind them that they are no different from the rest of us. We are the students of life, and the sooner we realize this, the quicker we can learn to enjoy it.
“… to remind them that they are no different from the rest of us.”
5: Check up whenever you can.
We must remember that depression comes and goes like waves on a beach. Some days it’s calm and beautiful whereas, on others, it storms in like a tsunami wreaking havoc on anything it touches. That’s why it’s essential to check up on that friend who seemed fine the last time you spoke. Because we never know when the next storm will come, and when it does, it may be too strong for them to call out for help, let’s all be the reminder that they don’t have to go through it alone.
Bonus: Appreciation.
Thank you for reading and if you made it here, know that I appreciate you.
Everyone wants the feeling of being loved; this stands true for individuals going through depression. They want to be appreciated and loved. Please don’t take this blog post as a guide to solving depression, because that is not it’s intent. I am sharing what I have learned in the hope it will give the courage and strength to at least one person to go out and be that light to someone we know who is not okay.
You can find the poem that inspired this post here.
Amon Xiong 
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